I have just came back from visiting Pak Nawar, my sister-in-law's father-in-law. It was a dreadful experience to me.
My husband and I came from the front entrance of the Hospital Sultanah Aminah. Pak Nawar is located at Block Dahlia, the block at the back of the old hospital in red. The route leading to back was closed so we settled to one of car park in front and walk through to the back.
As we passed the old block and walked towards Block A and B, my heart felt heavier and became more strifling. The thought of passing Block C and to the memories that would come flooding back to the last place where I met mak was troubling me. Ya Allah! How I dread being here and be reminded like this.
Just a few meters away from Block C, Pak Su stood up acknowledging our visit. Mak Su was there as well as Nabil and Arina and a few of Pak Su's siblings. After a few exchanges, we headed towards Block Dahlia to the topmost level. As we rode the lift, I told Mak Su that it was stressful for me to be in this hospital.
Pak Nawar is placed in the High Dependency Unit (HDU) ward. Again, I was reminded of mak. She was supposed to be placed at the HDU ward after she was transferred from Johor Specialist. When it came to my turn to see Pak Nawar, we entered the room and there Pak Nawar was hooked on a ventilator with bruised arms which I just assumed to be the case of the nurses couldn't find his vein to start a line.
All in all, it was a stressful visit. Hospital is still a depressing place to be whether just for a quick visit and even worst if you have to be hospitalised. So, let's be mindful to live a healthy life and pray for our continued good health.
Doa mohon kesihatan tubuh badan
Ya Allah kurniakanlah kesihatan pada tubuh badan hamba, Ya Allah kurniakanlah kesihatan pada pendengaran hamba, Ya Allah kurniakanlah kesihatan pada penglihatan hamba, Ya Allah hamba berlindung kepadaMu dari kesengsaraan azab kubur, tiada Tuhan melainkan Engkau.
Amin Ya Rabbal Al Amin.
Saturday 9 October 2010
Saturday 21 August 2010
Syawal is here!
Alhamdulillah, Muslims have completed fasting and the end of Ramadhan. Syawal is a month of celebrating the month-long completion. Yet I felt numb. Given the choice, I would rather not celebrate. But how could that be when raya songs are playing almost everyday. In fact, tv programmes are all on raya celebration.
As my husband has earlier on reminded me, it is a year of sadness for us. This raya, my beloved mother is no longer with us. A few normal routines differed this year. We used to at least break fast once with the entire family. However, we did that with Abang Mi's family and abah at their house in Kulai about a week before raya. I would, in the previous year, take leave two days before raya to accompany mak to the market for raya preparation. This year I started my leave a day before raya and cooked together with Kak Midah.
I arrived at about 3pm at my parent's place that day. In the previous years, if I do not reach there in the morning, I can expect to receive a call from mak hastening me to quickly reach Kg Melayu. We only started cooking about 4.30pm and only by 6.20pm we realise that there's nothing to eat for break fast. This would not have happen if mak was around. We would have completed cooking a few raya dishes and eat by then. She would have been prepared.
First day of raya, we have also changed our routine. After raya prayers, we siblings would gather and visit our relatives in Sg Sayong, then to Aziz's mother in law's place, Kak Midah's in laws and Kak Midah's place. But this year, after Friday prayers we visited mak's grave. We skipped Sg Sayong, Ulu Tiram,went to Kak Midah's in law and Ungku Faridah's place. My children were puzzled as to who this Ungku Faridah is. I had to explain all the connection when we traveled the next day.
The positive part of this raya is that I see us siblings working together in trying to celebrate this raya together by cooking the dishes. We still maintain our beraya together.
It would never be the same again for I have lost my beloved mother. I have avoided sitting at the place I used to sit at the dining table for it reminded me that mak would be sitting at the end of the table observing us eat. We would say "Mak, why don't you eat with us?" She would say "Never mind, you go ahead". In a while, her appetite would arise and she would start eating. How I miss her!
On the first day of raya Uchu said to me that it was as if mak is in the room resting. Yes, I relate to that. I, myself, imagine hearing the sound of her slippers moving about the house. I close my eyes and I can visualise her!
There are countless moments that remind me of her and I must say again that I really really miss her.
Syawal is here and it is far cry from celebration!
AlFatihah buat ibundaku tercinta. Semuga rohmu sentiasa tenang serta dicucuri rahmat dan diterangi kuburmu.
Amin Ya Rabbal alamin.
As my husband has earlier on reminded me, it is a year of sadness for us. This raya, my beloved mother is no longer with us. A few normal routines differed this year. We used to at least break fast once with the entire family. However, we did that with Abang Mi's family and abah at their house in Kulai about a week before raya. I would, in the previous year, take leave two days before raya to accompany mak to the market for raya preparation. This year I started my leave a day before raya and cooked together with Kak Midah.
I arrived at about 3pm at my parent's place that day. In the previous years, if I do not reach there in the morning, I can expect to receive a call from mak hastening me to quickly reach Kg Melayu. We only started cooking about 4.30pm and only by 6.20pm we realise that there's nothing to eat for break fast. This would not have happen if mak was around. We would have completed cooking a few raya dishes and eat by then. She would have been prepared.
First day of raya, we have also changed our routine. After raya prayers, we siblings would gather and visit our relatives in Sg Sayong, then to Aziz's mother in law's place, Kak Midah's in laws and Kak Midah's place. But this year, after Friday prayers we visited mak's grave. We skipped Sg Sayong, Ulu Tiram,went to Kak Midah's in law and Ungku Faridah's place. My children were puzzled as to who this Ungku Faridah is. I had to explain all the connection when we traveled the next day.
The positive part of this raya is that I see us siblings working together in trying to celebrate this raya together by cooking the dishes. We still maintain our beraya together.
It would never be the same again for I have lost my beloved mother. I have avoided sitting at the place I used to sit at the dining table for it reminded me that mak would be sitting at the end of the table observing us eat. We would say "Mak, why don't you eat with us?" She would say "Never mind, you go ahead". In a while, her appetite would arise and she would start eating. How I miss her!
On the first day of raya Uchu said to me that it was as if mak is in the room resting. Yes, I relate to that. I, myself, imagine hearing the sound of her slippers moving about the house. I close my eyes and I can visualise her!
There are countless moments that remind me of her and I must say again that I really really miss her.
Syawal is here and it is far cry from celebration!
AlFatihah buat ibundaku tercinta. Semuga rohmu sentiasa tenang serta dicucuri rahmat dan diterangi kuburmu.
Amin Ya Rabbal alamin.
Ramadhan Ya Ramadhan!
It's the 11th day of Ramadhan. Alhamdulillah, I have been able to perform fasting up to today. For the past 11 days, I am constantly reminded of how lucky I am to be given the opportunity to fast and insyaAllah, to still gain some "pahala" with the special prayers performed only in Ramadhan.
My thoughts keep on going to Mak for the past few nights. She wanted to fast last Ramadhan. She only managed to do so for the first few days before she collapsed due to low sugar level and was advised not to. So, she did not fast for the rest of Ramadhan.
I recalled the time when she was admitted to the ICU of Johor Specialist Hospital. The time she wanted to speak to me but could not be heard because of the tube in her mouth. She gave hand signal but I just did not know how to decipher. I was exasperated and cried.
Who would have known that last Ramadhan was her last. The same goes to all of us. None of us know when we would be called to meet our creator. I am 44 this year and even if I may not have diabetes or high blood pressure like Mak and Abah but there is no guarantee that I would reach 70 just like them.
With such realisation, I remind myself that I have to improve my spiritual obligations for I may not be able to see next Ramadhan again!
Ya Allah! Hambamu bermohon agar janganlah dijadikan Ramadhan ini yang terakhir buatku! Amin!
My thoughts keep on going to Mak for the past few nights. She wanted to fast last Ramadhan. She only managed to do so for the first few days before she collapsed due to low sugar level and was advised not to. So, she did not fast for the rest of Ramadhan.
I recalled the time when she was admitted to the ICU of Johor Specialist Hospital. The time she wanted to speak to me but could not be heard because of the tube in her mouth. She gave hand signal but I just did not know how to decipher. I was exasperated and cried.
Who would have known that last Ramadhan was her last. The same goes to all of us. None of us know when we would be called to meet our creator. I am 44 this year and even if I may not have diabetes or high blood pressure like Mak and Abah but there is no guarantee that I would reach 70 just like them.
With such realisation, I remind myself that I have to improve my spiritual obligations for I may not be able to see next Ramadhan again!
Ya Allah! Hambamu bermohon agar janganlah dijadikan Ramadhan ini yang terakhir buatku! Amin!
Saturday 5 June 2010
There is only you, Mak, forever and ever!
A tribute to mak who returned to Rahmatullah on 22 Jamadilawal 1431 or 7 May 2010. For certain reasons, I have removed photos of mak not wearing hijab.
Interest
Friendship
She completed her first Hajj in 1989. I recalled crying my heart out after reading Abah's letter. Sounded like a will when he told me to take care of Uchu if anything should happen to them then.
Mak was active in her Yassin Group. It was good to have friends and be with the community.
Her husband and companion for life for more than 50 years. Picture taken during Raya 2008.
This bright and lovely picture was taken from Raya 2007 with Aziz and family. It's her smile that I want to capture.
2009 was her last Raya with us. With all the children and grandchildren except for brother Azman and family. The missing five are Azman,Caroline, Amy, Tony Azli and Wayne Jailani.
She was such a beautiful woman when she was young.
Interest
She loved traveling. Been to London and performed hajj twice.
Friendship
When we were staying in Singapore before Abah retired from Police Reserve Unit (PRU), Makcik Minah (top) and Makcik Nyah (bottom) were two of her good buddies.
Spiritual
She completed her first Hajj in 1989. I recalled crying my heart out after reading Abah's letter. Sounded like a will when he told me to take care of Uchu if anything should happen to them then.
Community
Mak was active in her Yassin Group. It was good to have friends and be with the community.
Family
Her husband and companion for life for more than 50 years. Picture taken during Raya 2008.
This bright and lovely picture was taken from Raya 2007 with Aziz and family. It's her smile that I want to capture.
2009 was her last Raya with us. With all the children and grandchildren except for brother Azman and family. The missing five are Azman,Caroline, Amy, Tony Azli and Wayne Jailani.
Since our family colour was turquiose blue last year, I decided that it'll be good to buy both mak and abah a new pair of baju raya. Turned out to be her last!
Forever and ever
Mak, you will always be loved and in my prayers! I miss and love you so much!
Ya Allah Tuhan Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Mengasihani, kasihanilah Ibubapa kami sebagaimana mereka mengasihani kami sewaktu kami masih kecil. Ringankanlah azab seksa kubur ibuku, Ya Allah, terangi kuburnya, Ya Allah, cucuri Rahmatmu, Ya Allah dan tempatkanlah dia bersama-sama orang-orang yang beriman!
Amin, Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin!
Wednesday 2 June 2010
How was your Mother's Day celebration?
Lucky for me, nobody asked me that very question. I guess most of my friends and colleagues know. I spent Mother's Day this year at my mum's cemetery reciting Yasin and prayers for her soul to be spared for the questions posed as Allah had promised and for her soul to be included among the faithful ones!
Looking back to a few hours before she passed away, I,in the presence of my elder sister, had ever so confident said to the liver specialist that we were prepared to let her go.
Apparently, it was easier said than done as the reality that I am facing is a far cry from that statement. To this very day, even though I am a lot calmer, I feel the emptiness, a void in the heart...unlike the time someone broke your heart.
To console myself, I keep on reminding myself of this:
Apabila matinya anak Adam, akan ada 3 perkara yang boleh menolongnya secara berterusan:
1) Amal jariah
2) Ilmu yang dimanfaatkan
3) Doa anak yang soleh
Mak, I will continue to pray and doa for you whether or not I fall under the category of "anak yang soleh". You have loved me and my children unconditionally...I love you and will always love you.
The following is my draft writing while waiting to pick Aishah up at school for outing 2 weeks before Mother's Day.
"9th May is coming soon! Some are in the know while others may be ignorant of the fact that 9th May is the widely celebrated Mother's Day! So, which category do you fall..the know or the ignorant?
Some might say what's the big deal? We should celebrate our mothers every day of the year..regardless. We have given unconditional love in return for all the sacrifices that a mother has given throughout her life.
Well, the fact that people always forget, they tend to take mothers for granted is the reason that a day has been selected to commemorate Mother's Day. A day to celebrate mother and a day for a mother's spirit to be recharged and reminded of her purpose in life. It is also a day to remind children to always appreciate and show their gratitude and love towards their mother.
So, what would be the best gift a mother can expect from a child? Something material? Say jewelry, a spa travel package, some trendy kitchen, home gadgets, cake, flowers or a simple expression of love from their children. It depends really on how well you know your mother.
As a mother, I want to always be showered with the demonstration of love from my children. Kiss me, hug me and tell me you would miss me whenever I am not around. I would love to be pampered as well. A once in the while coffee or food for me would be great. Can't deny how elated I would be to receive a set of white gold jewellery set or be sent off to unwind at aspa retreat or that iphone people been bragging about. You know what? I am being realistic..so I won't be expecting much this coming Mother's Day!
What about my mum? you asked. My mother is in the hospital at the moment. At this rate, it seems to me like my mother might spend mother's day in the hospital. Started off with high blood pressure then diabetes until she uncovered that she also has liver chirrosis. She fell a couple of times and ended up with a leg implant recently and has never recovered well since.
This time round, she was gasping for breath and sent to emergency unit of Hospital Sultanah Aminah. So many people were sick that day with no ventilation machine available. I can imagine a scene from Grey's Anatomy, with interns manually pumping. We found a hospital that has ventilator available and called an ambulance to transfer her to Johor Specialist Hospital(JSH). We were told to face a possibility of losing her before she reached JSH. I called my sister and told her to come back and gave her the task of informing the other siblings in kl.
Thank God, after 7 days of being in ICU, my mother is now in High Dependency Unit. I hope she continues improving. I bet this Mother's Day she will be happy if all her children are by her side giving her all the attention she needs.
Well..that's me and my mother. What about you? Go celebrate your mother every day of her life and this Mother's day with something additional to boost her day."
I was by my mother's side when she left us. I was devastated but seeing Abah having an even tougher time accepting my mother's death reminded me of this saying "when you feel terrible, look at others who are in worser condition than you".
Looking back to a few hours before she passed away, I,in the presence of my elder sister, had ever so confident said to the liver specialist that we were prepared to let her go.
Apparently, it was easier said than done as the reality that I am facing is a far cry from that statement. To this very day, even though I am a lot calmer, I feel the emptiness, a void in the heart...unlike the time someone broke your heart.
To console myself, I keep on reminding myself of this:
Apabila matinya anak Adam, akan ada 3 perkara yang boleh menolongnya secara berterusan:
1) Amal jariah
2) Ilmu yang dimanfaatkan
3) Doa anak yang soleh
Mak, I will continue to pray and doa for you whether or not I fall under the category of "anak yang soleh". You have loved me and my children unconditionally...I love you and will always love you.
The following is my draft writing while waiting to pick Aishah up at school for outing 2 weeks before Mother's Day.
"9th May is coming soon! Some are in the know while others may be ignorant of the fact that 9th May is the widely celebrated Mother's Day! So, which category do you fall..the know or the ignorant?
Some might say what's the big deal? We should celebrate our mothers every day of the year..regardless. We have given unconditional love in return for all the sacrifices that a mother has given throughout her life.
Well, the fact that people always forget, they tend to take mothers for granted is the reason that a day has been selected to commemorate Mother's Day. A day to celebrate mother and a day for a mother's spirit to be recharged and reminded of her purpose in life. It is also a day to remind children to always appreciate and show their gratitude and love towards their mother.
So, what would be the best gift a mother can expect from a child? Something material? Say jewelry, a spa travel package, some trendy kitchen, home gadgets, cake, flowers or a simple expression of love from their children. It depends really on how well you know your mother.
As a mother, I want to always be showered with the demonstration of love from my children. Kiss me, hug me and tell me you would miss me whenever I am not around. I would love to be pampered as well. A once in the while coffee or food for me would be great. Can't deny how elated I would be to receive a set of white gold jewellery set or be sent off to unwind at aspa retreat or that iphone people been bragging about. You know what? I am being realistic..so I won't be expecting much this coming Mother's Day!
What about my mum? you asked. My mother is in the hospital at the moment. At this rate, it seems to me like my mother might spend mother's day in the hospital. Started off with high blood pressure then diabetes until she uncovered that she also has liver chirrosis. She fell a couple of times and ended up with a leg implant recently and has never recovered well since.
This time round, she was gasping for breath and sent to emergency unit of Hospital Sultanah Aminah. So many people were sick that day with no ventilation machine available. I can imagine a scene from Grey's Anatomy, with interns manually pumping. We found a hospital that has ventilator available and called an ambulance to transfer her to Johor Specialist Hospital(JSH). We were told to face a possibility of losing her before she reached JSH. I called my sister and told her to come back and gave her the task of informing the other siblings in kl.
Thank God, after 7 days of being in ICU, my mother is now in High Dependency Unit. I hope she continues improving. I bet this Mother's Day she will be happy if all her children are by her side giving her all the attention she needs.
Well..that's me and my mother. What about you? Go celebrate your mother every day of her life and this Mother's day with something additional to boost her day."
I was by my mother's side when she left us. I was devastated but seeing Abah having an even tougher time accepting my mother's death reminded me of this saying "when you feel terrible, look at others who are in worser condition than you".
Under the weather!
Gee..feeling under the weather isn't great at all, is it? Starting off the week after a long weekend was great but truthfully I am bored once the weekdays started. Things haven't gone my way that much and the frustration is building up.
I've seen my children write on their blogs and felt I want to try as well. Also remembering how my husband used to say "since you read a lot, why don't you start writing." So, here goes...words of "aziemat". They would be my words..whatever they are..be it good or bad. I hope in time to come, the words of aziemat would turn to words of wisdom.
Wallahualam!
I've seen my children write on their blogs and felt I want to try as well. Also remembering how my husband used to say "since you read a lot, why don't you start writing." So, here goes...words of "aziemat". They would be my words..whatever they are..be it good or bad. I hope in time to come, the words of aziemat would turn to words of wisdom.
Wallahualam!
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